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July 11th, 2015

two years on, still doing battle...

So it's been almost two years since I've been on here. Not very much has changed for me, and I still participate in fandom some, just not on here. But doing battle with a Rose hater just now on another site ignited my desire to return here, LOL. I still don't write fic, but meta and episode discussion/analysis are still decent fun. But Doctor Who and I these days... well, that's a different story.

Remember how excited I was by Peter Capaldi taking over the Doctor? Yeah... that didn't last.

I hate Twelve. I say that unequivocally. I watched "Deep Breath" and "Into the Dalek" when they aired, but I stopped after that, initially. The weeks passed, I was too busy to watch, and the episodes started piling up... and I realized I didn't care. I didn't care enough to continue watching. And more than that, the more time that went on and the more things I saw from the episodes I wasn't watching, the more I realized I hated Twelve.

This was the start of it. This was why it continued.

The remarks about Clara's appearance--those hurt. I've struggled with my body image my whole life, with no cause, many have said. I'm skinny, so to many my problems don't exist (I've been told that, that since I'm skinny I must not have any other problems with my body). But I've been called ugly and other things to my face, and complimented on my appearance only once. That sort of thing leaves a mark. So to see it perpetuated by the Doctor left me feeling sick.

To see the Doctor turning into the sort of abusive, bullying prick who needed to be the most important person in Clara's life, despite not deserving that distinction, made me sour towards him even more. I remember that when Clara blindly put out her hand in "Deep Breath," I did not expect Twelve to come back for her. That was when I realized I didn't trust Twelve. That was why I was glad when Clara decided she didn't feel safe enough to travel with him--"I don't think I know who you are anymore." I certainly didn't know that, either. So when Moffat had Eleven pull a guilt trip from beyond the grave to make her travel with Twelve? You can imagine how disgusted I felt.

I've now seen through "The Caretaker," as I eventually decided to watch Series 8 to see if it was as bad as I'd figured (spoiler alert: it is). I'll be watching the rest of the episodes soon. But I wanted to revive my journal here because I miss discussions, and I miss the glory days, really. Watching Twelve makes it hit me more than anything that I don't recognize the Doctor anymore. The Doctor who immediately forgets the names of acquaintances is not the same Doctor who apologized to the body of a man whose name he didn't even now, in "World War Three", the same Doctor who regretfully asked a bus full of tourists what the Hostess' name was--and realized none of them knew. The Doctor who insults Clara's appearance and intelligence needlessly is not the same Doctor who called Rose "beautiful" or Donna "lovely."

I recognize my feelings about Twelve and my discomfort with Twelve and Clara's relationship are not shared by everyone; in fact, some I follow still from the Doctor/Rose days ship them. If you like either Twelve or the relationship, feel free to disregard or unfriend me. I'm pretty consistently negative in that regard and I don't foresee the situation getting any better. But if you feel the same way I do, I'd love to talk.

So for now, I'm back. I won't be writing fic, though sometimes I've thought about it (Rose wouldn't recognize this Doctor, either; thinking of her giving him a good chewing out makes me happy). But I'll be my usual overly analytical self if any of you are still around to listen.

Hi again, all. :)



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