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Title: what stays and what fades away
Fandom(s): Doctor Who
Pairing: Amy/Rory
Word Count: 400
Rating: K (allusions to sex; nothing explicit)
Warnings: Spoilers through "The Wedding of River Song".
Disclaimer: I don't own them! I just borrow them. The title is from a Florence + The Machine lyric; I owe so many debts to Ms. Welch and the rest.
Summary: Those thirty-six years belonged to a whole other Amy, one who’s gone now. But it echoes back, sometimes. She’ll wake up feeling like she hasn’t been touched by another soul in so very many years.
Notes: Written for who_contest Drabble Challenge #8 (theme: cold). Post-Series 6.

She remembers so many things.

A world with stars—and one without. A world with her parents—and one without. A world with Rory—and one without. A world where she’d been a soldier, where she’d left a woman to die.

Thirty-six years of loneliness and running, running, running to escape kindnesses.

She’s not supposed to remember. She knows that. Those thirty-six years belonged to a whole other Amy, one who’s gone now. But it echoes back, sometimes. She’ll wake up feeling like she hasn’t been touched by another soul in so very many years. She’ll wake up reaching for Rory. Sometimes he’s gone to work already and she lies there, crying for a lonely life that never was.

This night is one where she wakes up reaching. This night is one where he’s there.

Her hands find and grasp Rory’s arm and he bolts awake—such a light sleeper still, so used to sleeping in on-call rooms and waiting for the buzz of his pager. “Amy?” he asks, his eyes searching her face and seeing her tears, and before she knows it she’s in his arms. “God, your hands are freezing… Amy, what’s wrong?”

She shakes her head. Won’t say it. Doesn’t want to. Rory’s hands, so much warmer than hers, find her chin and tilt her face to his. “Tell me,” he murmurs, and she breaks, like always.

“You remember,” she says hoarsely. “Rome. Being the Lone Centurion. Don’t you?”

“Amy, I’ve told you, I don’t…”

“You do.” She grabs his warm hands and wraps them in her cold ones. “Because sometimes you phone the machine just to hear my voice, like you’re remembering when it was all quiet. Because… because in that hotel, you could’ve gotten out. Your faith was gone. You… you have to remember.”

“Because you do,” Rory whispers, after a pained nod. He swallows tears. “You remember being alone on Apalapucia. You remember so… so you want me to.”

“It’s the last thing I want.”

“And it’s the last thing I wanted for you. Oh, Amy… Amy…”

In minutes, they’re making love because it’s the only way to get warm, to be close. They make love to not feel so alone.

Afterwards they lie in the stillness, close but, in their minds, far away. Far away in the cold and the dark and the lonely, remembering what was and what should not have been.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
haveloved
Dec. 27th, 2011 03:33 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
(Deleted comment)
haveloved
Dec. 27th, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) The emotions and imagery for this one have been torturing me for quite some time (those long cold walks to class!) and I'm glad to have finally gotten it out!
kaffyr
Dec. 28th, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)
You've written an uncomfortable story beautifully.
haveloved
Dec. 28th, 2011 04:48 am (UTC)
Thank you so very much. And what a beautiful and fitting icon you have there!
kaffyr
Dec. 28th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
It's one of my favorites!
arliddian
Dec. 28th, 2011 12:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, that was beautiful, and rather bittersweet. Poor Amy and Rory; so many lives that never were. You've portrayed the emotional repercussions of that so well in such a short space. <3
haveloved
Dec. 28th, 2011 04:28 pm (UTC)
Word limits are so very, very tricky, I have to say! I've had this in my mind for quite some time, which I think made narrowing it down easier--I've thought for weeks now about what I wanted in it. Thank you so much for such praise! :)
captaintish
Dec. 29th, 2011 04:38 am (UTC)
Oh, this is lovely. So short, but so perfect.
haveloved
Dec. 29th, 2011 05:15 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
fannishliss
Jan. 9th, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC)
For me "the girl who waited" was a devastating ep that made me want to see more consequences -- and here, you've made a beautiful, emotionally resonant coda, that gives Amy and Rory the respect they deserve. kudos!

Edited at 2012-01-09 03:57 pm (UTC)
haveloved
Jan. 9th, 2012 06:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much; it was that way for me, too, although that episode dovetailed freakishly well with a lot of my headcanon, so I forgave that it didn't linger too much on the consequences. I think there was definitely a fair amount of tension between all three of them, though, and someday I'm going to write it!

(By the by - would you mind if I friended you? We seem to have many mutual friends and comms; I've meant to ask before this!)
fannishliss
Jan. 9th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
yay, friending!
a_phoenixdragon
Jan. 13th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, sweetie! How you have broken my heart! Thank you...this was beautiful.

*HUGS*
haveloved
Jan. 13th, 2012 06:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, although I do apologize (as ever) for the emotions! <3
silverlunarstar
Jan. 14th, 2012 11:47 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely beautiful! Poor Amy and Rory, so many memories, and not-memories, but memories nonetheless. ♥
haveloved
Jan. 15th, 2012 03:13 am (UTC)
Thank you! It's one of those things that really breaks my heart, even if we've never gotten official confirmation on whether or not Amy remembers the starless universe. We did, though, get confirmation in the DVD shorts that Rory lied to Amy and said he didn't remember those two thousand years (the Doctor confirmed to her that he did), and I really wanted to play with that because it struck me as really sad that Rory had likely done it to lessen her guilt. So horrible for them, really.
pingback_bot
Jan. 16th, 2012 07:58 am (UTC)
Weekly Recommendations
User silverlunarstar referenced to your post from Weekly Recommendations saying: [...] a new head canon for whenever I'm in the mood for 10.5/Rose. What Stays and What Fades Away [...]
pingback_bot
Jan. 16th, 2012 08:09 am (UTC)
Weekly Recommendations
User silverlunarstar referenced to your post from Weekly Recommendations saying: [...] a new head canon for whenever I'm in the mood for 10.5/Rose. What Stays and What Fades Away [...]
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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