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Things I have learned today: apparently there is an angry!Rory inside of me waiting to be freed. I can add this to the other Rorys who populate my brain (sexy!Rory and empathetic!Rory, if my other efforts are anything to go by...).

This was a prompt fill that kind of screamed at me to be written, and it's a fairly scathing indictment, from Rory's perspective, of what the Doctor did to Amy's mental state. I think it's something many Eleven/Amy shippers overlook, and something I give Rory a lot of credit for dealing with, so I tried to write something that showed what all those years of dealing with Amy's Doctor fixation might have made him feel. It's a roadblock I feel Eleven and Rory would have to have gotten past, for sure.

With that in mind, it's set between "The Vampires of Venice" and "Amy's Choice", very early in Rory's time on the TARDIS.



He should be calm. It had been one of the things his supervisors had liked best about him, back home--his ability to think clearly under pressure, to push aside every other thought but giving the patient the care they needed.

Hell, he had even said it the first time they met--everyone else was running about taking pictures of the sun going out, while Rory was the one focusing on what really mattered: the incongruity of a coma patient standing on the street with his dog.
But Rory didn't want to think about him right now.

Indeed, he shoves past him, figuring that if he can't yell or scream or rage, then he can at least get out his anger in physicality, aggression. He shoves past him in the TARDIS' medical bay to get to the supplies he needs. A brace for her ankle. Antiseptic and a wet cloth to clean the gashes. Ice to at least ease the pain of the raised lump on her head.

He spreads everything out on the tray next to the bed they'd set Amy down on, sets to work with a certain single-mindedness others would envy. Indeed, the Doctor watches him with fingers twitching, the man who leaps from thought to thought in mere seconds unable to think of what he can do to help. Funny, that: a man named the Doctor standing in deference to the nurse.

He starts to say it. "Rory, I'm sor--"

The coldness in Rory's eyes, when he looks up, stops him dead.

Rory has to bite the inside of his cheek very, very hard to stop himself from lashing out. Amy is unconscious and has been for some time now, but she wouldn't like them arguing. Her boys, she calls them, with that smile, that laugh, that sparkle. No, there can be no hint of discord among her boys.

He turns back to Amy, unbuttoning her now-ragged shirt to get a better look at the gashes on her chest. He cleans them of the dirt of the embankment, gingerly applying bandages once he finishes. One of his fingers absently traces the lace at the edge of one of her bra's cups. It's streaked with dirt and mud, but probably salvageable. He makes a mental note to try and wash it later; it's one of her favorites. His, too.

The Doctor is fumbling to rephrase, his words an annoying buzz distracting Rory from his work, like a bee flying too close to his ear. "In fairness, I told her to stay put--I had no idea she'd moved--"

"You had no idea she'd moved to the edge and slipped off that nice cliff?" Rory snapped finally, after biting his cheek hard enough to draw blood. "No, that's right, you had no idea until you heard her screaming--"

"--and she's fine, isn't she? Look at you, working to make her good as new--"

"--she'll be in pain, Doctor, do you even understand that--?"

"Rory, I know you blame me for this--"

"Trust me, Doctor, this is not the first fucking thing I have blamed you for!"

The words are out before he can stop them, hanging in the air between them, over Amy's bed, suffocatingly insistent on being analyzed, asked about, deconstructed. The words he'd never meant to say--not to Amy, especially not to the Doctor. No, for all intents and purposes he is meant to be enjoying this, to be relishing the opportunity to see other worlds with his fiancee and her imaginary friend. He is the bumbling fiance, blindly following along. Hell, sometimes he is even the voice of reason.

He isn't thinking reasonably now, because despite his earlier resolution not to say a thing, it is all coming out, everything he has ever resented about this madman, this imaginary friend, this Doctor. "Do you know what you did to her? Really, Doctor, do you? Because I do. I was there. Maybe not from the beginning, but pretty damn close. I was eight. She saw me on the playground and asked if I wanted to play Doctor. I thought she meant medical, but no, she meant you. She used to make me dress up as you, she used to tell me stories, she used to show me everything she made about you and when I asked her to be my girlfriend, I thought that would be it. I thought I would come first for once--for once!--and d'you know what happened? Do you?"

He stalks around to the other side of the bed, to the Doctor, resisting the urge to grab his collar or that damned bowtie and instead staring him straight in the eyes, saying with as much venom as he can muster, "You did. We'd been dating for barely a few months and you showed up, with your Prisoner Zero and your multiforms and your saving the world, and what do you think happened to me? I was the boyfriend, but do you know how hard it was for her to say that? D'you remember that she called me a friend? But do you know what was really easy for her to say? How great the Doctor was! Look what the Doctor had done! He'd saved the world from the A-fucking-traxi, he'd gotten rid of the multiform--never mind me! Never mind that I nearly got sacked, got told I should take a lot of time off because of it--I was the one who had those pictures, but what did it matter? The Doctor saved the day, and then he disappeared for two--more--years!"

His breathing is heavy now; it hurts his chest. His hands shake with how hard he's trying to restrain himself from doing serious harm to this man now that it's all coming out. Because he can't stop now, as much as his need for self-preservation is begging him to. No, he needs to get this out and let the chips fall where they may. Kicked out of the TARDIS, dumped by Amy--in this moment, he finds he doesn't quite care. He is tired of being second, tired of never being the hero. Tired of never being first in her thoughts. Tired of all of it.

"It was never me," he says finally, shakily, the rage dissipating into a certain kind of defeat--because really, will it ever be him? Even now, fixing her wounds, he is not the real hero, not the one who got them off the planet and out of danger. No, that is the Doctor; it is always the Doctor.

"Those two years, most of the time, you were all she could think about. She kept waiting for you. Fourteen years, Doctor. Fourteen. You broke her and d'you know why I stayed with her? D'you know why I stayed with someone I wasn't always sure cared? Because I wanted to try and fix her, because I loved her that much. Everyone left her--her parents died, her aunt Sharon was never around, you left twice--and I wanted to be the one who stayed. I wanted to prove to her that someone could.

"She said yes. She agreed to marry me, and you know what? I wasn't as happy as I could have been, because every night she was still watching the stars. Still waiting for you. It has never been me, Doctor. It might never be me. And I blame you for that. I blame you."

The Doctor has stood silent throughout all of this, and no words come for a long while. Finally, Rory sits on the bed and begins to wrap Amy's ankle, having finished cleaning and bandaging the gashes. The Doctor leaves the room.

Some time later, Rory has fallen asleep by Amy's bed, his hand twined loosely in hers. The Doctor waits, standing in the doorway of the medical bay and watching the girl who waited and the boy who waited for her to notice him.

It stings more than it would have earlier when Amy wakes up and murmurs something that sounds suspiciously like, "MmmmDoctor?", despite her fiance's hand in hers. The Doctor forces a smile and strides to her bed, reaching down to smooth some of her hair, though he recoils his hand quickly and does not let it linger.

"Where 'm I?" Amy says groggily, half-lidded eyes flicking around the medbay and back to him, never once landing on Rory. "Never been here before..."

"TARDIS' medical bay. Took a bit of a spill--but Rory here patched you up, did a fine job of it," the Doctor says with that same pained smile.

"He does that," Amy murmurs, eyes closing once more, though he notes gratefully that they linger on Rory before they do. "'S one of the reasons 'm marrying him."

The Doctor nods at this, hopefully, almost. He skims his hand along her hair, whispers for her to sleep, adds a "Good night, Pond," to that.

He leaves the medbay, so many words ringing in his head, but none more so than Rory's.

You broke her.

Yes, he supposes. He did.

Comments

( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
moon_blitz
May. 9th, 2011 12:22 am (UTC)
Ouch. I've always read Rory as being at least a little bit jealous of the Doctor, but I never thought he might he feeling something like this. But it does ring true to his character, so good job!
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 03:26 am (UTC)
Maybe it's only me, but I just always had this idea in my head that Rory definitely had to have a lot of anger towards the Doctor based on what he did to Amy. It's why I can't ship Eleven/Amy, actually--the Doctor just damaged her so much by leaving that I want to believe that staying with Rory, faithful Rory, waited-for-two-thousand-years Rory, will be good for her. In my head, it was always that devotion Rory had that made him resent the Doctor for leaving like he did, twice, because he'd never do that. LOL, this ended up being a lot more intense than I meant it to be, though, so apparently I had a lot more feelings about it than I realized!
(no subject) - tempestas_inu - May. 9th, 2011 05:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pookiesbleubass - May. 16th, 2011 03:59 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moon_blitz - May. 9th, 2011 04:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tempestas_inu - May. 9th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moon_blitz - May. 10th, 2011 02:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tempestas_inu - May. 10th, 2011 03:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moon_blitz - May. 10th, 2011 11:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
kaffyr
May. 9th, 2011 05:41 am (UTC)
An excellent story, with a razor-sharp touch and an unerring eye for the human heart. I'm really glad I read this.
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 10:51 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you!
itmustbetuesday
May. 9th, 2011 01:55 pm (UTC)
Very good! I've always wanted to see something like this between Rory and the Doctor.
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I have, too, but since Moffat has said he prefers plot over characterization, I've never held out much hope for getting it, hence why I wrote it myself, LOL. ;)
Sarah Diehl
May. 9th, 2011 02:44 pm (UTC)
YES YES THIS IS THE FIC I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THANK YOU. You can see this resentment in Rory's eyes sometimes... whenever Amy is in danger Rory gets this really bitter look. But what is spectacular about Rory's character is that he forgives the Doctor for what he's done and he forgives him for Amy too (who'd never admit how much the Doctor broke her).
Any and all Rory fic is appreciated. Someone needs to explore all the subtext of his character and relationships.
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 04:09 pm (UTC)
Hee, I'm glad to have satisfied your desire, then. ;) I agree, Rory does have an amazing capacity for forgiveness, despite what he must have felt at one time about the Doctor. I do feel that at this point he's over it, for the most part--he knows that Amy chose him, twice, and that she puts him before the Doctor. (Although his "she can always hear me!" speech in 6x02 seemed to have a tint of resentment, since he was basically saying he would save Amy and not the Doctor.)

I love writing Rory fic and exploring his characterization/relationships, so there's definitely going to be more from me in the future! I love this man the more and more we see of him, LOL. :D
sadera992
May. 9th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. Excellent portrayl there. I really think he will eventually flip like he does in this. It's only a matter of time. Great writing :)
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 04:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
samjohnsson
May. 9th, 2011 04:28 pm (UTC)
so. saw mention of the existence of this in one of your comments on ffr and came a-hunting. and so damn glad I did! So much love for this - sounds exactly like a deleted scene, and all what needed to be said. Like the tag at the end with Amy, too.

In sum? So getting recced.
haveloved
May. 9th, 2011 04:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, gosh, thank you! I've only been recced twice that I know of, so I'm always really grateful to the people who do. I'm glad you enjoyed; this is one of those ideas I've had in my head for a while, and one I wasn't sure would be well-received.
(no subject) - samjohnsson - May. 9th, 2011 04:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
themuslimbarbie
May. 9th, 2011 05:24 pm (UTC)
Absolutely amazing! I'm a total Eleven/Amy shipper, but this is exactly the reason I love that she picked Rory and not Eleven. You're right, too many people overlook what exactly Eleven did to Amy and I'm glad you didn't.

Beautiful work.
haveloved
May. 31st, 2011 12:52 am (UTC)
I fail so hard at replying to things; sorry! This comment made me so happy, because when I wrote this I was like, "Oh, God, there are going to be Eleven/Amy shippers coming after me with torches and pitchforks." :D Thanks so much!
(no subject) - themuslimbarbie - Jun. 4th, 2011 02:24 am (UTC) - Expand
khylara
May. 9th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
This rings so true it hurts. Sometimes The Doctor needs to be told just what he's done to people, the damage he sometimes does. Good job.
haveloved
May. 31st, 2011 12:52 am (UTC)
Sorry for the late reply! Thanks so much!
honeynoir
May. 11th, 2011 02:06 pm (UTC)
Well, apparently I’m comment spamming you today. ;)

I wish this kind of confrontation would have happened in canon -- it’s wonderful to see Rory saying something about the whole mess, instead of dropping passive aggressive comments and dirty looks. He’s obviously thought a lot about it, and he would never even think about blaming Amy, because he would see it as the Doctor’s fault, and, well, it is.

It’s so nice to see the messed up part of Amy/Eleven explored – personally, I think that’s the most interesting part.

So, this is basically perfect, and I’ll just go ahead and put it in my head!canon. :)
haveloved
May. 31st, 2011 12:58 am (UTC)
That comment spam was so appreciated! (Pretend I'm replying to this two weeks ago; I was in the middle of finals and my brain was elsewhere!)

This was always something I really wanted to see in canon, and eventually I just took initiative and decided to try and go at it myself, since Moff has said he prefers plot over characterization and thus I've doubted we'll get something like this. I'm flattered to be someone's headcanon! :D
sj0126
May. 20th, 2011 04:52 pm (UTC)
OMG I loved this. The relationship between The Doctor and Rory isn't really shown all that much but I think its one of the most intriguing ones on the show right now. Rory sometimes tells the Doctor things that no one else really will but he needs to hear, like his speech in Vampires in Venice abotu how he makes people want to impress him. Rory's in this position where he does like the Doctor and get along with him. If Amy wasn't around, they would be good friends. But since Amy is it changes how he sees him. He sees teh mistakes behind the Doctor image.
haveloved
May. 31st, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
My apologies for the late reply; I was in the middle of finals last week! Thank you; I totally agree with you, as you could see!
a_phoenixdragon
Feb. 10th, 2012 05:03 pm (UTC)
Ohhh....ohhh this is completely, totally perfect.

Thank you...thank you for this.

*Cries*

*Clings to you*
haveloved
Feb. 10th, 2012 05:54 pm (UTC)
Ohhh, thank you. This is actually another one of those pieces of mine that's become really popular, particularly on ff.net, and it strikes me as truly funny that I wrote this and then "The Girl Who Waited" came along (it's best for me to just say that that episode gave me serious emotions and leave it at that) and had Eleven and Rory hash out some of these same conflicts in their own ways. I'm still pretty proud of this one eight or nine months on, and it means a lot that it's resonated so much with you! It certainly did for me.
(no subject) - a_phoenixdragon - Feb. 11th, 2012 05:22 am (UTC) - Expand
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )

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