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I really should be working on a paper but damn if this one wasn't persistent, I swear. Ugh. Back to the refugee children I was actually supposed to be writing about!

Title: Voices on the Radio
Fandom: Being Erica
Pairing: Erica/Kai
Prompt: For Table 39 at 5_prompts: 02. I'm not going to react.
Word Count: 356
Rating: PG-13 (salty language)
Warnings: ... angst?
Disclaimer: I don't own Being Erica or the characters. "Alien" is entirely Sebastian Pigott's.
Summary: Hearing "Alien" on the radio isn't quite what Erica needs at this point...
Notes: This is sometime in early Season 3; I can't quite remember the timeline of it very well, sooo... let's just say it happens before Kai returns in 3x04? If it's not quite canon-compliant, eh. I just don't think we got enough of a reaction to her losing Ethan and Kai at practically the same time, so I've tried to show that in my shots at fic thus far.


The radio played quietly, nearly unobtrusively, as she sat in her apartment editing one of those BluRay manuals, wondering why it was that the people who wrote them felt it was acceptable to sprinkle commas around like they were candy.

She heard it before she could change the station, the opening chords, the soft melodious voice that had lodged itself in her head so many times, singing or not, the voice that had made her question, had made her remind herself so many times I’m with Ethan, I’m with Ethan, I’m with Ethan.

But she wasn’t with Ethan now.

“I know what you’re feeling is hard to believe in… That home must be millions and millions of light years away…”

It was Kai, singing live, acoustic—apparently one of those radio station gigs to promote a new artist. Why not? He was the hottest new thing, and what better song to use than his newest one?

She didn’t want to react, but she couldn’t pretend it didn’t sting. It was the song he’d played their very last night, the regret she’d helped him get past.

The regret that had caused one of her own.

Because she could admit it now that she wasn’t with Ethan. She had most definitely had feelings for Kai, maybe even still had them. She regretted not telling him until the last second, regretted that there was no way to reach him now. That home must be millions and millions of light years away. No shit.

She closed her eyes, her breathing heavy in her chest, trying to hold it in. It was stupid. A song making her have a physical reaction—really? This wasn’t the eighth grade…

“And the days of solitude are gone
‘Cause we’ve both spent way too long
Hearing voices on the radio, voices on the radio
And we can’t let anybody know…”

 And she felt them, hot, salty tears streaming down her cheeks, leaking from her closed eyes despite her trying her damnedest to stop them.

He was her voice on the radio, and fuck if it wasn’t going to make the next ten years damned hard.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
kilodalton
May. 5th, 2011 12:37 am (UTC)
=(

Very nice! I always thought it was so unfortunate that she broke up with Ethan right after Kai left ... emotionally, it makes sense, it's just very inconvenient for the ship XD
haveloved
May. 5th, 2011 12:45 am (UTC)
Ugh, right? I almost want to pretend the Adam thing didn't happen the way it did, because I just don't see how we got from Point A to Point B. Ethan was a constant in her life for fifteen years, and even if she wasn't entirely in love with him at the end, she did still have feelings and she was definitely upset by that and by losing Kai at the same time. She lost two people that were so important to her so quickly and then... got thrown into another relationship.

I still don't know why we couldn't see single Erica. Sure, she seemed scared at the end of 2x12 when she said she'd broken up with Ethan and that Kai was back where he belonged, but she seemed at least partly content. She could have used some time to heal and pick herself up again, you know? I don't want to think of her as the type that needs to be in a relationship all the time, but that's the impression we get given that she's bounced from Ryan to Ethan to Kai to Adam.
pingback_bot
May. 8th, 2011 06:11 am (UTC)
newsletter (1st week of May)
User misura referenced to your post from newsletter (1st week of May) saying: [...] (PG, Deniz/Roman) [Being Erica] posted Voices on the Radio [...]
aaronlisa
Jun. 8th, 2011 01:58 am (UTC)
I really liked this piece.
haveloved
Jun. 8th, 2011 02:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
atatteredrose
Nov. 21st, 2011 07:41 am (UTC)
Ooh - the ongoing theme of music and its (subtle) importance makes this extremely appropriate. I love how "voice on the radio" is so close to "earworm," except this time it's hollower, echoing, has a distance to it.

The other bit I loved was how Erica associated the song with the mantra "I'm with Ethan" and all the buried reasons she adopted that line in the first place. It is what we do - whether Erica pretends it's only for kids or not - music holds emotion, and complex meaning. It has the power to transform, uplift, and speak across cultures, ages, and time. :D
haveloved
Nov. 22nd, 2011 04:09 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) I think it must have been hard for Erica to live in 2009/10, where Kai's musical career was just starting to take off--to have to deal with hearing him on the radio, or maybe seeing him on TV, all the while knowing it wasn't her Kai and that it might never be her Kai again. It must have been difficult for her to deal with all the emotions his songs must have given her, especially "Alien Like You", especially because she had to process breaking up with Ethan and Kai going back to the future at the same time.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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